Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
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Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize