Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize