Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Enjoy the penises
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
