i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
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pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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