the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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