I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize