my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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