I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
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If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
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OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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