You smell like a Billy Joel song
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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