Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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