with your own penis?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
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I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
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Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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