remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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