So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize