i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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