ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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