It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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