Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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