there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
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It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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