He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize