Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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How's work?
Spinning.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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