just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize