I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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