wat bout pragnant strippers??
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize