she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize