I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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