I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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