But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
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I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
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I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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