man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
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We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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