Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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