laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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