I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize