I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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