the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If that was your dad, he is hot
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You ruined the universe
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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