He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
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S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
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You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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