I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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