I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize