So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
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So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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