look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This is classic penis vs brain.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize