If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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