I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
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Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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