The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
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He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
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Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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