Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize