I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
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I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
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You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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