The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize