Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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