im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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