it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
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Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
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There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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