I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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