just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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