the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize