So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize