Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize