At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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